Moments
by JnnLuvsU
Summary: I've had my moments." Tony experiences a crisis of faith and gets help from an unlikely source. Set directly after Judgement Day, before he leaves. One-shot based on Emerson Drive's "Moments".


Disclaimer: All hail DPB. You know the drill. I own nothing.

Summary: "I've had my moments." Tony has a crisis of faith and finds help from an unlikely source. Set right after Judgement Day before Tony leaves.

Author's Note: This is based on the Emerson Drive song, "Moments." It is a truly incredible song and even if you don't like my interpretation, listen to the song. It really has the power to change your life. Anyway, on with the story.

Interpretation: Just to let you know. **_Bold Italiczied _**are actual lyrics from the song. **Bold** is my interpretation but still close to the lyrics.

Moments  
By: JnnLuvsU

Tony wasn't sure what to do. He'd never felt so lost before. But he was lost now. So lost. Working at NCIS was never what he would call relaxing work, but it had always been rewarding. Every headslap told him that Gibbs cared. The few compliments told him Gibbs was proud. The banter with McGee and Ziva was even rewarding in its own way.

People had always told him time makes everything easier. That wasn't true. He could still feel the tears he'd shed the day his mother died. The bitter hurt that his dad had caused hadn't eased one iota since that fateful day when he was 12. The barely masked disappointment on his captain's face in Philidelphia was still in his mind's eye. Kate was still with him, Paula. Jenny. They were a constant ache, worse than all the others. And he'd never forget the look on Vance's face as he'd said the words that would send Tony away. Disgust. Triumph.

Maybe it was fate that today was the three year anniversary of Kate's death. That their lives would end on the same day. Pittance for the fact that he hadn't saved her. He _should_ have been able to save her. This would be his tribute. **He stopped in the middle of the bridge**, staring at the water. He could hear them in his head, Kate, Paula, Jenny, telling him not to be stupid.

He heard shuffling behind him and turned, automatically tense. He relaxed as he noticed the old homeless man behind him. **He dug in his pockets, pulling out a few dollars and some change. It's not like he'd need it.** "Here man," he whispered, holding it out.

**The man took it, looking a little ashamed**, "Thanks." He gave Tony a long look, _**"You know, I haven't always been this way."**_ He got a far off look in his eye, **_"I've had my moments. Days in the sun._** **You know, the kind of days when you know you've done something you thought you couldn't do? I've had those moments,** **_moments when I was second to none."_**

Tony smiled softly; he did know what the man was talking about.

**_"Like that plane ride coming home from the war. The summer my son was born,"_** the man whispered, lost in his memories. **_"Memories like a coat so warm a cold wind can't get through."_** He seemed to come back to himself and looked down at his clothes, **_"Looking at me now you might not know it, but I've had my moments."_**

Tony didn't say anything, just turned back to the water. **Who would miss him?** Abby sure, but she'd have Gibbs. McGee. Would they miss him? They might miss his hard work, but him? Probably not. Ducky? Maybe, but again, he'd have Gibbs. Ziva? Tony highly doubted Ziva would miss anyone. Tony almost laughed; how sad was it when naming people who would miss him, he couldn't name more than five that _might_ even miss him a little, and only one he knew for sure.

Tony saw the old man come up next to him out of the corner of his eye. **He caught Tony's eyes before looking down at the water then back up at Tony.** _He knows_, Tony thought. _Hell, he's probably done this plenty of times before himself_.**_ "I haven't always been this way,"_** he whispered, looking at the water, echoing the old man's previous words.

**_"I've had my moments,_** **too,"** he whispered. _**"Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do.**_ **Those days in the sun.** Like when I beat the plague. Rescued my boss from drowning. **A family that could always see me through."** Tony let out the breath he was holding, giving the man a tired smile, _"**Looking at me now you might not know it, but I've had my moments."**_

The old man smiled at them, "Focus on those moments," he whispered. "They'll get you through. They always have for me." He turned and walked away.

Tony smiled. He looked back at the water, but knew the man was right. His demons would always be with him, but still. He'd had his moments. That would be enough. For now. He turned from the water, walking back the way he'd come. **He could see the old man standing around a trashcan fire with three other men. He could almost hear the old man's words...**

**_I've had my moments, days in the sun  
_****_Moments I was second to none._****_  
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do  
_****_Like that cool night on the East Street Bridge  
_****_When a young man almost ended it  
_****_I was right there, wasn't scared a bit  
_****_And I helped to pull him through  
_****_Looking at me now you might not know it  
_****_Oh, looking at me now you might not know it  
_****_But I've had my moments._**

The End.  
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